I have an ongoing weekly goal of 5000 written words a week. I have from Monday to Sunday to write, edit or otherwise create 5000 words worth of new material for a range of projects. (Yes, blogs count.)
I made my word count today for the first time in months, and that might be cause for rejoicing, the underlying reasons for my newfound productivity are not.
First, we brag.
The article is a few hundred words, but the video counts as a thousand.
In general, I need to figure an hour of total production time (writing, shooting, editing) for every minute of good You Tube video. The footage for this one (and ones like it) was shot years ago as personal notes, so that skews the formula. Nonetheless, I spent over three hours editing it.
Over on Curious Continuity, I popped out a thousand words ( separated by stolen, if credited images) on Fermi’s Paradox, and why our universe might remain terribly lonely.
Nobody on their deathbed laments that they wished they had made word count more often, or any other sort of job-related regret. They all wish they had spent more time with their family. I will to, I suppose. But this week, and perhaps many more to come, all I have is the work.
My wife of 29 years has left me, as in changed her address. As in I had to go start an account at a different credit union just to make certain there is a hard line between our accounts now.
This was not my idea or desire. There was no problem with my wife or the marriage that, from my end, I could not deal with or circumnavigate. She saw it differently, and here I am making word count.
I must, then refer you to her, if you know her, for an explanation of why. I have gotten different answers, and I remain uncertain which if any I believe. There was, so you know, no particular incident or crime, or specific breach of faith. She was unhappy, and felt that leaving me was the way to deal with that. And there was nothing I could do – because I asked – to change her mind about that.
I’m not writing this in an attempt to elicit pity. I am still ahead of the curve in overall human experience. But I’m going to write these next paragraphs anyway, so that it doesn’t just plop out of me on Facebook or the like.
My marriage was one of the few enterprises in my life that I truly took seriously; the endeavor I put the most time, energy and money into (though the kids muddy that measurement), and it has failed. So when I write or speak of the scattered positive aspects of this situation, that is not, an attempt to disparage my wife or our relationship history. Rather, it is an attempt to convince myself that this is not the end of the world.
I have never been a single adult. I met my wife on my first day of college and we were dating by the end of that September. I was married at 21, and have remained so, to that same woman, ever since. (Divorce is coming, but not here yet).
I have no clear idea how actual adults date in the 21st century. And, so we’re clear, I am not in a hurry to find out. In the summer of 1986 I rented a studio apartment for six months. Penny and I were still just “dating”. That was the last time I actually resided alone. I am kinda curious to see how I handle it.
Now, by alone, I mean with Penny’s two cats (also not my idea) and my daughter’s rabbit, all of which require food and attention. We all live together in a crumbling monument to all the compromises I made in the interest of a now failed marriage.
So bit by bit, I am reconstructing my house now that I no longer have to accommodate other human beings.
I am also working on developing a social life, because I haven’t been able to say yes to a party without side negotiations in 29 years. But I’m still not getting so drunk I have to sleep on your floor.
I still have to feed the pets.
This will be an adventure! So say the optimists in my life They may be right.
Being on a sinking ship is an adventure. And you will learn a lot about yourself and your true limits and priorities; things you might not have learned any other way.
But in your few quiet moments, you are still going to wish that the ship wasn’t sinking.
This was 850 words towards my goal. By the time I add links and tags, I can count it as a thousand.
Now you know.